By Rebecca Sutherland, CEO and Founder of HarbarSix
There’s a word that often makes people shift a little in their seats. Assertiveness. It can sound sharp, maybe even a bit harsh, like something that belongs in boardrooms filled with ego or in negotiation books gathering dust on someone’s shelf. But in truth, assertiveness, when you really understand it, is one of the most compassionate tools we have as leaders.
Because at its core, assertiveness isn’t about being pushy. It’s about being clear.
And when you’re building something, a business, a team, a dream that lives outside the ordinary, that kind of clarity becomes essential. Without it, you end up drifting, making decisions that don’t feel quite right, saying yes when you mean no, and slowly watching the thing you once felt lit up by become a source of tension or exhaustion.
I’ve seen it happen more than once. A brilliant, creative founder full of drive and vision, slowly ground down by too many compromises, too much people-pleasing, too little space to breathe. They don’t lack skill or ambition. What they’re missing is that anchor, the ability to be assertive without feeling like they have to apologise for it.
So, let’s unpack that, because I think we need to talk about how to lead from a place that’s both strong and soft. Firm but open and rooted in who you are.
Assertiveness starts with self-trust
Before you can speak clearly to others, you must be clear with yourself. What do you stand for? What kind of culture are you trying to build? What do you value, not just on a branding level, but deep in your bones?
Because if you don’t know that, you’ll find yourself pulled in all directions. You’ll agree to partnerships that don’t serve you, hire people based on panic rather than alignment, and find it hard to hold boundaries when the stakes feel high.
But when you do know—when you’ve taken the time to understand what really matters to you—it becomes easier to communicate it, calmly and confidently, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Saying what you mean isn’t unkind—it’s respectful
There’s a misconception, especially among founders who want to be “good” leaders, that being direct is somehow abrasive. That if you’re too clear, you might upset people. But in my experience, the opposite is true.
When you wrap your truth in too many layers of softening or delay saying the hard thing because you’re worried about how it will land, you actually create more confusion, not less. People want to know where they stand. Your team, your investors, your clients—they respect leaders who can speak with warmth and certainty.
You don’t need to bark orders or dominate a room. But you do need to be able to say, “This isn’t working for me,” or “This direction doesn’t feel right,” or even, “I’ve changed my mind.” That kind of honesty is a form of care. It protects your energy, and it gives everyone around you a clearer playing field.
Boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re invitations to trust
One of the most powerful forms of assertiveness is knowing when to say no. Or not yet. Or not like this.
As founders, we’re often wired to keep giving—to clients, to our team, to the business itself. But that constant giving, without boundaries, leads to burnout. And more than that, it models a kind of unsustainable leadership where overextending becomes the norm.
Boundaries, when set with intention, are not walls. They’re signals. They say, “This is how I work best,” or “This is what I need to stay at my best,” or “Here’s the line where my role ends and yours begins.” And far from pushing people away, they create the safety and trust needed for real collaboration.
Not everyone will like it—and that’s okay
Here’s the part that might sting a little: not everyone will like your assertiveness. Some people will bristle when you stop bending over backwards. Others may be used to you saying yes to everything, and might struggle when you start to reclaim your space.
Let them. Your job isn’t to be liked by everyone. Your job is to build something honest, sustainable, and true. And the people who are meant to walk alongside you? They’ll stay, in fact, they’ll probably thank you for the clarity.
Practice before you need it
Like any skill, assertiveness gets easier with practice. Start small. Have that conversation you’ve been avoiding. Say no to the next thing that doesn’t feel aligned. Express a need clearly without over-explaining. And then do it again. Not perfectly, just consistently.
If you’re not used to it, it might feel clunky at first. That’s okay. Clarity is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.
The most powerful leaders are not the loudest
They’re not the ones who dominate meetings or chase visibility for its own sake. They’re the ones who know who they are. Who can sit in discomfort without losing their footing. Who can say the hard thing with softness and stay true to their vision when the noise gets loud.
Assertiveness isn’t about power over others—it’s about being in your own power. And when you lead from that place, it changes everything.
For your business. For your team. And most importantly, for you.
